Challenges

Over the past weeks, I've faced some challenges...
I've quit Church, I've been at the doc after being totally freaked out about nothing...
I've talked a lot to a really nice girl who's quite a great friend...
And I've fallen, somehow, for someone... I won't mention any name or occupation, just that I thought we could of been friends, but...
Since things were kinda unsure, I asked that person whether or not they would confirm my friend request on facebook. I got an answer, an hour ago. And that answer was one simple word: Rejection.
But it's fine. I'm dealing better with it than I thought I would.
I asked the Goddess for answers, so often, these days, and now finally, she's given me one.
Okay, it wasn't the one I expected, but... it's an answer nevertheless.
Now I think I can focus on my studies and my A-Level exams without distraction.
Goddess, somehow I'm sad, but... I was sadder, before, and I'll just look into the future, never back to the past. After all, I'm a tough witch, and as long as I stay confident, keep some friends that really matter and trust in my Goddess, everything's going to turn out alright.
For now, I'll just say, blessed be.
Send me lots of energies, I'll need it.
xx

Full Moon Ritual with Chelsea :)

Okay, tonight's a full moon, so me and my English friend Chels are going to do an Esbat ritual.
I'll post the exact structure afterwards, but those are my altar pics :)
I put it on the windowsill as I want to get as close to the Moon as possible. On it, I have my Triple Goddess Chalice (inside are a turquoise and a red jasper which I'm going to charge, later), next to the Goddess of Avalon picture as she's so important in my path. On the right of this, I have a simple white candle representing everything, and a green selfmade clay pentagram. On the left side, there are a yellow candle for happiness, and an incense burner as well as my Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards.
I plan to do a reading afterwards as I've faced a challenge that was very important to me. I won't say much, Chels knows what it's about, but basically it's that I've been putting huge amounts of energy into one person, and that person rejected me an hour ago. Sad, but I'm facing it with pride. Ive asked the Goddess for answers, and she gave me one. I'm not happy, but I guess it's for the best. Anyways, I want to make a total transformation now, and I'll ask the cards which direction I will go. As for the necklace hanging from the hook, it's one I charged a few days ago in the sunlight to help me when trying to connect to that person that dumped me, so I want to use the energies of the Moon to cleanse it, to rid it of everything that reminds me of that person. Who knows, maybe I'll bury it? or destroy it...

My Shadow Self...

today was a day off... however, as soon as I'm alone I get depressed....
So what I did today out of depression was draw one of my Shadow Selves...
I really like it, it represents the darkness that's within my soul, sometimes...
)O(

What I want to Do before Dying

Graduate from High School

Go to Uni

Go to England

Go to Ireland

Marry and get children

Write and publish (a) book(s)

Meet all the dear Pagans that are close to me online

Meet Lady GaGa *-*

Draw an absolutely gorgeous painting

Go swimming by full moon with my love

Get a lovely body

Be happy

Find the Gods

Face and lose my fears

[To Be Continued...]

Taking a big step, personally....

Just wanted to mention this as it is quite an important thing for my spiritual path, in the future :)
I've been an altar boy ever since I was in 3rd grade... I've enjoyed it sometimes, hated it, too, sometimes...
I went to church every second Sunday, and I even prayed the Christian prayers...
For a few months, now, I haven't been saying the prayers of Christ, anymore... It just didn't feel right.
And I just message our Reverend that I would take a break from being an altar boy. Since my exams are coming up, I said, I would need all the time I could get to study.
I know, it may seem like a temporary break, at the moment, but... I won't go to Church, anymore, really...
For a golden year and a day I'll practice only the Ways of Wicca... The only occasion I MIGHT go to church for would be when a mass is held for a relative, or if -- goddess, help -- someone's funeral would take place.
Since the year and a day project is a commitment to a certain path, in my case Wicca, it would feel like cheating, I guess, if I passively practiced the Christian faith, any longer.

Just wanted to share this :)
I'm wishing all of you a nice day of the sun, today )O(
Goddess Bless.

Going back to where I came from...

After reading some stuff and doing some thinking, I decided that Beltane is a great time for a certain thing I'll be doing... Since I'm finding my problems dealing with connecting to the Goddess and the God as well as to Nature, in general, I decided to formally dedicate myself to Wicca, for a year and a day. I know, I've decided that I'd rather call myself an Eclectic Pagan, but... I want to start small, all over again. I've ordered this book:

It is said to have one lection for every day of the day and a year challenge, and I thought it would be a great way for me to dedicate myself to the Craft. I want to study one lection EVERY day, and do my meditations and prayers every day. I also won't be celebrating Beltane formally, this year, I'll just do a meditation as I want to do the next sabbath as soon as that book is here. If it isn't here by May 6th, I think I'll still be doing the esbat ritual with my friend Chelsea, as I'm really looking forward to it =) 

I think it's also really a good idea as when I'm finished with this challenge next year, I'll already be living on my own and maybe be able to join a coven or a study group, a few months after completing the Year and a Day thing. 

So, in the Wiccan style: Blessed Be, guys :) )O( xx

annoyance and anger

I really, really am lucky to have a loving family, and they truly mean the world to me.
I really DO want to show my love and devotion to them, but...
sometimes, it's hard.
I ordered a chalice with the 3 faces of the Goddess on it and a pentacle wall plaque via the internet:

They look beautiful, at least to the ones of the Craft.

But my mom, she totally went like "What is that?! THAT symbol... you KNOW, THAT symbol... It won't take long and they're gonna find out about this..." i remembered earlier conversations of me wearing a pentacle necklace or hanging up pictures of it etc. She was, like, it's a Nazi symbol, or a forbidden one, or a radical right-wing symbol... It's evil, and forbidden, and whatnot...

And whenever she goes like this, I totally FREAK OUT. I can't tame my anger, anymore... it just gets to my core. I mean, I love my mother, I love my family, but they SO remind me of conservative Christians that burned the Wise Women, Crones, Sages... in a nutshell, Witches, hundreds of years ago.... They're so intolerant towards this path... Sigh.

Concerning that problem, I'm going to be glad to be living on my own, soon... It's going to be for the better of all of us. I can fully practice and embrace my path, hang up those symbols I like, perform rituals, etc, and my family, on the other side, won't be concerned with anything about my faith anymore.

It's kind of sad that it has to be that way, I would've really liked to share the energy of Wicca/Paganism, but... you can't force people, and it obviously doesn't work out in my family. 

My heart is so heavy at the moment, and I really feel sad, but... I can't quit either of those two things, my faith and my family, so I'll keep them separate. 

Goddess, wash away my tears, my anger and my sadness.